i am at the merch tent for “medina lake” (is that a band? i’ve never heard that name before, but it sounds like a warped tour band), when a sudden gust of wind starts violently blowing it (but none of the other tents) away. i grab on to the poles and am lifted upwards towards the sky.

i suddenly begin steering the makeshift glider over the city, and expertly (as if i’d this sort of thing before), i land in front of the home of my friend, anthony ciatti (only, again, it’s not his home at all). there, i walk in the door and find another old friend, michael warren, returning my hi-hat stand that he borrowed (in dreamland, not in the real world), without either of us caring or saying a word about the fact that i just landed a medina lake merch tent glider in the street.

the end.

this is not photoshopped.

i was stumbling on reddit the other night and stumbled on that picture. being the skeptic that i am, i looked into it and found out that it is, indeed, real and there are more where that one came from. the guy’s name is stig pedersen and he plays in the danish rock band, “d-a-d”. according to the article:

Stig’s bass guitars only have two strings or three strings. He found out in the late ’80s that he only used the E and A string when he played, and made it his mark, to have funny, good looking basses. He is also seen using a one string bass at gigs (only one string away from an air guitar). Stig designs his own bass guitars based on his own ideas and imagination.

funny? definitely. good looking? that’s up for debate. judge for yourself:

i wonder how many "are you ready to rocket?" jokes were made.

i like to imagine that he used an entire car to make this one.

this one isn't even ironic or funny. it reminds me of a weapon you'd find on world of warcraft.

of course, none of those even remotely compares to the biggest atrocity that has ever existed, in the bass guitar world. having more than 4 strings:

waste of wood and nostalgia.

summer time

hey, blog. sorry i’ve been neglecting you! i promise to think about maybe, perhaps updating on occasion, for the most part. also, this election season, i promise to keep the rage to a minimum–although, i can already tell that it’s gonna be tough, with michelle bachmann in the running. i can’t believe that wack job is from my state! haha.

anyway, i just got back from a (too) short run of shows, co-headlining with the get up kids! those guys are definitely some of the funniest dudes out there that give none fucks. they do things that other bands joke about, like closing every night with black sabbath riffs.

today was a great father’s day. my whole family got together for brunch, and then headed down to boom island to board the mississippi queen paddle boat. what is it about boats that’s so much fun? i think it’s the same as airplanes. they allow us to be places that we wouldn’t normally be. they give us different perspectives, like the undersides of bridges and whatnot. i dunno. it was awesome, though!

so, what’s in store for me? not sure. sadly, our next big tour isn’t until the fall. i believe there are random things here and there, but for the most part, the summer is completely open. i haven’t decided if i should try and find a job, or if i should spend the summer learning, enriching, biking, etc. i mean, i would do those things normally, but i was entertaining the thought of coming up with a regiment to stay busy. i dunno. reeks of effort. haha.

what should i do with myself??

pick up in minneapolis or pay $5 shipping/handling (within the continental USA only).

to order: email me and tell me what you want.

note: if you’re not picking up in minneapolis, be sure to include your name, mailing address and phone number. i will send you an invoice, which you’ll have to pay, before i send stuff out.

thanks for looking!

if something appears multiple times, it means I have multiple copies! i will update this list, accordingly.

The following have NO JEWEL CASES:

photo by Hart Van Denburg

i don’t own a car, but i have in the past. and, like most car owners in minnesota, i know what it’s like to get stuck in the snow. so, when i see people outside my apartment getting stuck, i can’t help but want to help.

and that’s what i did today. a lot.

so, it’s with wisdom that i bestow on you, my rules for driving in blizzards:

rule #1: don’t drive in this shit!

when buses cancel all service, when tow trucks are getting stuck, when hennepin county calls back its plows because they can’t keep up with the snow, and when mndot advises NO TRAVEL, guess what? you don’t drive in this shit!

i know you might think that your car is invincible, and that it’ll never happen to you, but i’m pretty sure a similar lesson was taught to all of us in high school health classes? you don’t have sex without protection. you don’t drive in this shit, cause you WILL get stuck.

rule #2: keep your wheels straight!

i know it seems counter-intuitive, especially when you’re trying to make a turn, but keep your wheels straight, when you’re being pushed! you will get way more traction that way. when you turn your tires, all you do is create a nice, slick little pad of ice and snow that you will never get traction from.

i think i told one particular individual approximately 15 times to keep his wheels straight, and for some reason, he wouldn’t listen. i almost gave up on him, until–fortunately–a couple more good samaritans showed up and–without my prompting–all started yelling at him, “keep your wheels straight!” he finally listened, and guess what? we got him out.

rule #3: go straight home!

unless you’re going to the hospital to watch your child being born or a parent pass away, whatever you’re driving to isn’t that important. go home!

one particular example that i witnessed twice tonight was people getting stuck, pulling into the gas station. you know what’s more important than gas that will allow you to keep driving? your sanity! so, instead of pulling into the same gas station that you just watched two other cars get stuck pulling into, run out of gas and call a tow truck to tow you home. it’ll be easier and cost you not much more than the $3/gallon gas that you were gonna buy.

rule #4: for fuck’s sake, don’t drive in this shit!

i guarantee you that you can walk to where ever you’re going in less time than it will take you to drive/get stuck/drive/get stuck/drive there.

bus service won’t resume until 10am tomorrow morning. and if a fleet of 12-ton buses have the foresight to wait until then, you should, also. trust me. i’ve racked up enough karma points and i’m not longer looking to get any more. haha.

this happened. deal with it.

last night, i had strange dreams. so strange were they, that when i woke up, i actually wrote down what i could remember into my phone. it might be the first time that i’ve ever recalled my dreams so vividly.

anyway, here is my dream, as best as i can remember:

we start at a small apartment, maybe a dorm. there are about 8 people crammed in. this is probably after a show or something. chris shotliff (who played guitar in a band i was briefly in) throws me some keys and asks if i can park the PLANE. apparently, there was no street parking available, but he told me that if i fly to summit avenue, by some church, there was parking there.

so, i walk to the plane and think about how i’ve NEVER FLOWN A PLANE BEFORE, and ponder the danger of it. i decide that it can’t be that hard to drive a single seat propeller plane, so i do it. i fly to summit avenue and had a hell of a time finding a spot for the plane, as small as it was.

not sure if the plane got parked, but i did enter the church, which was actually an OFFICE BUILDING where ONLY BLACK WOMEN worked. i think i went in to ask where i should park, but the next thing i knew, i was heading into an elevator.

when, i leave the elevator, i’m back at the DORM. down the hall, there is a group of HOT ASIAN GIRLS. i want to talk to them, but when i pass a mirror, i see that i’m dressed as CATWOMAN and about 200 pounds heavier than normal. my hair is in a hairband and i’m wearing aviator glasses. feeling self-conscious, i just walk back to my dorm, without saying anything to the girls.

CUT TO:

i’m now flying (WITHOUT A PLANE OR WINGS) over the los angeles area. when i look down, it looks like GOOGLE MAPS satellite view. i’m trying to find a place to land. a place that’s familiar to me. i think i see where my old band recorded a record once, so i swoop down to it. nope, not it. so, i fly back up.

apparently, i’m heading into the FORBIDDEN WOODED AREA of northern los angeles, because i see a picture of a CARTOON COP with his hand out (stop). as i see him, i start plunging to…

A RESERVOIR at the top of a water fall. there is a strong current, which is pulling me, but not affecting the TWO FLY-FISHERMEN who are also there with me. MY MOM is on the shore, telling me to be careful. the current gets stronger and my mom yells for the fishermen to help me.

one of them walks over and picks me up and puts me on a GIANT ROCK. the giant rock resembles the back of an IGUANA. the other fisherman, meanwhile, is asking me if i dropped my TOILETRIES. i assure him that i’m quite alright and that is not my deodorant floating downstream.

suddenly, the giant rock starts moving. it is so big that once it gets to the edge of the falls, it creates a DAM, but in reverse. in other words, the part where the water falls into gets filled up and makes another reservoir.

we look into this new reservoir and see that it resembles the SUNKEN CITY OF ATLANTIS, except instead of a city, it’s STONEHENGE.

the two fishermen dive down. i dive off of the rock and into the sunken city, and as soon as i do, it becomes AN UNDERWATER MAN CAVE, closely resembling the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE’S underground lair. the only difference is that there is an upstairs balcony (resembling the upstairs at THE QUEST club), where MOTION CITY’s full backline is set up.

i watch the two men play XBOX on a giant ENTERTAINMENT CENTER, and i wake up.

the end.

some cute kitty

this morning, i stumbled on a video of a pair of mating turtles. what was more interesting than the mating part was the fact that the male turtle seemed to be saying, “wow”. for some reason, animals making human sounds might be one of the funnier things out there. so, i thought i’d share. enjoy!

a turtle saying “wow”:

a camel being tickled:

a dog yelling “elmo”:

a seal screaming like a human:

a goat screaming like a human:

BONUS! here’s a parrot that can make a vuvuzela sound! hahah.

some indie band

tonight, i had a great discussion with forrest and andy maxwell about indie rock and being young versus being old. i wish i could articulate succinctly what our conclusions were. suffice it to say that there are differences, and it’s my opinion that for the most part, young music is more energetic and sells more, while indie rock is less exciting but more creatively fulfilling. i’m not gonna say which i prefer, because i frankly don’t know, at this point.

i think when we get older, our priorities change. we no longer have all the time and all the money in the world. we have bills, families, jobs, and our hobbies change. (it’s wild how unimportant professional sports were to me and my friends, when i was growing up, and now it’s like you’re not cool unless you follow that stuff. i’m not knocking it! i’m just sayin. haha.)

so, yeah. once upon a time, you could have heard a song on the radio, and it was so angsty and energetic that it moved you to leave your suburban house, go to a mall, walk into hot topic and buy the cd. then, when that band rolled into town, you bought pre-sale tickets on ticketmaster and didn’t bat an eye at the “convenience fees”. then, you got to the venue 5 hours before doors, so that you could get right up to the barricade and sing along that night.

how many grown adults do you see doing that? not many.

on the one hand, i think back to those days and feel embarassed about what was going on with music (ska!). on the other hand, music has always been about the kids! they are the ones with the money and the energy and the stars in their eyes.

young kids from the suburbs form bands that sound like pop/polished versions of last generation’s indie rock. those kids grow up and move to the city and form indie rock bands which end up influencing the next generation of suburban warped tour bands. and the cycle continues.

so, what’s the point?

i’m not quite sure. i love indie rock, truly. but, the happiest times in my life were when i was listening to, playing, and living the pop-punk/warped/suburban/alternative press scene. and i don’t know if that has to do with age or changing taste or my job or whatever other circumstances.

music is weird. i’m old.