this is not photoshopped.

i was stumbling on reddit the other night and stumbled on that picture. being the skeptic that i am, i looked into it and found out that it is, indeed, real and there are more where that one came from. the guy’s name is stig pedersen and he plays in the danish rock band, “d-a-d”. according to the article:

Stig’s bass guitars only have two strings or three strings. He found out in the late ’80s that he only used the E and A string when he played, and made it his mark, to have funny, good looking basses. He is also seen using a one string bass at gigs (only one string away from an air guitar). Stig designs his own bass guitars based on his own ideas and imagination.

funny? definitely. good looking? that’s up for debate. judge for yourself:

i wonder how many "are you ready to rocket?" jokes were made.

i like to imagine that he used an entire car to make this one.

this one isn't even ironic or funny. it reminds me of a weapon you'd find on world of warcraft.

of course, none of those even remotely compares to the biggest atrocity that has ever existed, in the bass guitar world. having more than 4 strings:

waste of wood and nostalgia.

summer time

hey, blog. sorry i’ve been neglecting you! i promise to think about maybe, perhaps updating on occasion, for the most part. also, this election season, i promise to keep the rage to a minimum–although, i can already tell that it’s gonna be tough, with michelle bachmann in the running. i can’t believe that wack job is from my state! haha.

anyway, i just got back from a (too) short run of shows, co-headlining with the get up kids! those guys are definitely some of the funniest dudes out there that give none fucks. they do things that other bands joke about, like closing every night with black sabbath riffs.

today was a great father’s day. my whole family got together for brunch, and then headed down to boom island to board the mississippi queen paddle boat. what is it about boats that’s so much fun? i think it’s the same as airplanes. they allow us to be places that we wouldn’t normally be. they give us different perspectives, like the undersides of bridges and whatnot. i dunno. it was awesome, though!

so, what’s in store for me? not sure. sadly, our next big tour isn’t until the fall. i believe there are random things here and there, but for the most part, the summer is completely open. i haven’t decided if i should try and find a job, or if i should spend the summer learning, enriching, biking, etc. i mean, i would do those things normally, but i was entertaining the thought of coming up with a regiment to stay busy. i dunno. reeks of effort. haha.

what should i do with myself??

pick up in minneapolis or pay $5 shipping/handling (within the continental USA only).

to order: email me and tell me what you want.

note: if you’re not picking up in minneapolis, be sure to include your name, mailing address and phone number. i will send you an invoice, which you’ll have to pay, before i send stuff out.

thanks for looking!

if something appears multiple times, it means I have multiple copies! i will update this list, accordingly.

The following have NO JEWEL CASES:

some indie band

tonight, i had a great discussion with forrest and andy maxwell about indie rock and being young versus being old. i wish i could articulate succinctly what our conclusions were. suffice it to say that there are differences, and it’s my opinion that for the most part, young music is more energetic and sells more, while indie rock is less exciting but more creatively fulfilling. i’m not gonna say which i prefer, because i frankly don’t know, at this point.

i think when we get older, our priorities change. we no longer have all the time and all the money in the world. we have bills, families, jobs, and our hobbies change. (it’s wild how unimportant professional sports were to me and my friends, when i was growing up, and now it’s like you’re not cool unless you follow that stuff. i’m not knocking it! i’m just sayin. haha.)

so, yeah. once upon a time, you could have heard a song on the radio, and it was so angsty and energetic that it moved you to leave your suburban house, go to a mall, walk into hot topic and buy the cd. then, when that band rolled into town, you bought pre-sale tickets on ticketmaster and didn’t bat an eye at the “convenience fees”. then, you got to the venue 5 hours before doors, so that you could get right up to the barricade and sing along that night.

how many grown adults do you see doing that? not many.

on the one hand, i think back to those days and feel embarassed about what was going on with music (ska!). on the other hand, music has always been about the kids! they are the ones with the money and the energy and the stars in their eyes.

young kids from the suburbs form bands that sound like pop/polished versions of last generation’s indie rock. those kids grow up and move to the city and form indie rock bands which end up influencing the next generation of suburban warped tour bands. and the cycle continues.

so, what’s the point?

i’m not quite sure. i love indie rock, truly. but, the happiest times in my life were when i was listening to, playing, and living the pop-punk/warped/suburban/alternative press scene. and i don’t know if that has to do with age or changing taste or my job or whatever other circumstances.

music is weird. i’m old.

at any rate, here is your chance to witness this spectacle:

now, i realize this might be an eye-opening and thought-provoking experience for some. but, i think most of my friends that are reading this will enjoy it purely for yuks. specifically, the insane clown possee’s inability to understand very basic concepts of the physical world.

here, then, is a breakdown of almost every line in the song, along with their perfectly non-miraculously explanations:

if magic is all we’ve ever known, then it’s easy to miss what really goes on

for ages, all we knew was magic. that’s very true. fortunately, the renaissance happened, and we learned about a little thing called the scientific method, which explained many things. among them: that the world is not supported by a giant turtle. the earth is, in fact, spherical. which leads me to:

oceans spanning beyond my sight

given the shape of the earth, the oceans only appear infinite. what you’re actually seeing is just the horizon.

a million stars way above em at night, we don’t have to be high to look in the sky and know that’s a miracle opened wide

we don’t have to be under the influence to look at the sky and see stars. however, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for the sky being littered with blinking lights. stars are just suns (like ours) that are shining from trillions of miles away. if you could view our sun from a star, it would also be lost in a sea of astronomical objects. it’s all about perspective, violent j.

look at the mountains, trees, the seven seas

mountains are formed by the movement of earth’s crust over millions of years. trees evolved from plants and the seven seas are such because of the formation and breaking up of supercontinents.

and everything chilling underwater, please

including the species that are unknown, until they’re discovered?

hot lava, snow, rain and fog

lava is molten rock. snow, rain and fog are different forms of precipitation that reach the surface of the earth.

long neck giraffes

while there is some debate about the actual advantage of a giraffe having a long neck, there is no question that they got them through the same process of evolution that gave ducks webbed feet and zebras their stripes.

and pet cats and dogs

both of which were wild animals, domesticated by humans.

pure magic is the birth of my kids

that “magic trick” of reproducing has only been one of the basic functions of every living creature since the beginning of life. had they been born in full clown makeup, then you might have a leg to stand on.

the milky way and fucking shooting stars

a shooting star is a meteoroid that enters earth’s atmosphere.

UFOs

what?!

plant a little seed and nature grows

that process is called germination.

the pyramids

the pyramids, like the washington monument and the taj mahal, are just man-made buildings. rad, but not supernatural.

fucking rainbows after it rains

rainbows are the result of light being refracted by water. it’s like the cover of that pink floyd album!

i fed a fish to a pelican at frisco bay. it tried to eat my cell phone. he ran away.

what?!

fucking magnets: how do they work?

magnetism is one part of electromagnetism, which is one of the four forces of the physical world. to the layperson, forces are a hard concept to grasp in theory, because they happen at the particle level, but fairly easy to understand in practice. for example, we all know that when you throw a ball in the air, gravity pulls it down. gravity happens to be one of the aformentioned four forces. so, in the same way that the force of gravity pulls a ball down, the force of electromagnetism makes magnetic materials pull metals and other materials towards it.

and i don’t wanna talk to a scientist. y’all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

science has given us everything that we know about the physical world. the word derives from the latin word for “knowledge“. it is inherently necessary to understanding the things we don’t know. it is also non-partial and unbiased. whereas someone could lie about their work experience to get a higher-paying job, scientists gain nothing from lying about their findings. the pursuit of knowledge is purely for the betterment of everyone. there’s no reason to be pissed!

solar eclipse

a solar eclipse looks rad, but it’s no more magical or miraculous than a fat guy standing over you, blocking the sun from your eyes.

i seen a caterpillar turn into a butterfly

that process is called metamorphosis and it also makes a tadpole turn into a frog, but that’s not as symbolic or poetic or magical or whatever.

shaggy’s little boys look just like shaggy and my little boy looks just like daddy

genetics (while being a field of study that looks to explain the physical process of gene inheritence) is something that most humans understand, with no explanation necessary. we look like our parents, and our kids will look like us.

the dark carnival is your invitation to witness that without explanation

i would love it if the dark carnival could explain truly unexplainable things, instead of elementary physics.

take a look at this fine creation

do i really need to go there? ugh.

crows, ghosts, the midnight coast

wait. you’re putting crows in the same boat as supernatural apperitions? that’s like saying you believe in santa claus and fedex, and can’t understand how either can deliver packages so efficiently. hint: one doesn’t exist, and the other has perfectly reasonable logistics.

just open your mind, and it ain’t no way to ignore the miracles of every day

yes, open your mind to the “miracles” of science, observation, and rationale.

wink wink, nudge nudge

well, i can die a happy man, because i watched weezer play live, for the first time in my life. it was in toronto, the night before rivers got into that bus accident. i was teching keys for motion city, and it’s a little scary to think that something like that could’ve easily happened to us. we weren’t that far behind his bus.

anyway, the show was amazing. the sound was incredible, the lights were great. it was the first time in a long time that i’ve watched a show as a fan. usually, i spend most of the time checking out the rigging, thinking about how early the crew must’ve loaded in, and things of that nature. for weezer, though, i was just singing along, at the top of my lungs.

the following morning, we had a day off. and, hearing the news about rivers, had a show cancel. another day off. and the tour cancelled. more days off. it was by far the most days off in a row i’ve ever had. i guess i can’t complain, right? heh.

so, just three shows with weezer, and that was that. fortunately for motion city, they have more shows with them, in january. but, for me, that’s it.

i’m hoping that things with jimmy robbins pick up, because if there’s no work for me there, there’s pretty much no work for me anywhere. well, none that i’d like to do, anyway. there’s plenty of cover bands and hobby bands, but i feel like i can’t waste my time with that, while my window of opportunity for doing rock bands is still open. heh.

i’m playing drums for jimmy robbins. check out his music! he’s a super nice and funny guy and we hit it off right away. jimmy has the potential to be huge, and i wish nothing more than that, because that would mean that i’m along for the ride. hehe. we have three fly dates, right now, but lots of stuff is in the works.

my week with motion city was amazing. mark hoppus is hilarious. chris holmes is the man. tony is an animal. eastwest studios are beautiful! easily, the most fun job i’ve ever taken. hehe.

speaking of motion city and hoppus, i’m also working for mcs for two shows in las vegas with blink 182. i’m flying out tomorrow morning to los angeles, picking up the van and trailer, and driving to vegas. couple days of rehearsal, couple shows, and i fly home. should be busy, but fun times.

i’ve been trying to eat healthy for about three weeks now, and it’s going alright. i’m of the opinion that even baby steps are a positive thing, and i’ve taken huge leaps in my diet, so i’m pretty stoked. i wish i could keep up with the excercise portion of it, but when i need to be in three places at once, it can be difficult to squeeze in a workout. at any rate, the scale says i’ve lost about five pounds, so something’s working! hehe.

jesse and jessica’s wedding is in august and i just booked my flight and rental car. this might be the first time i’ve ever done something so grown-up, all by myself. haha. probably because i’ve never had enough money to do so. oh wait, i don’t have money right now. what am i doing? ahhh!

lastly, i leave you with yet another submission to the blog of unecessary quotation marks that was either lost in the pile of submissions, or deemed not worthy enough. i happen to think it’s a “good” one.

it's a new law, alright... *wink wink nudge nudge*

i would like to hold this pug soon!

so, i’ve been home for a few days now, and it’s been pretty fantastic. been seeing and hugging lots of friends and a surprising amount of tour buds. i’ve also been co-producing a band with jordan, which has been pretty fun. last week, i did an in-place upgrade to windows 7, but i felt like a huge sellout, so a couple nights ago, i went ahead and did a clean install of it. so far, it’s been pretty rad. honestly, i don’t know if it’s worth $100, but it’s definitely worth the $0 that the year-long evaluation copy costs. hehe.

what else? my credit cards are all paid off. i just have $3k of medical bills left, but i’m not even paying attention to it, cause it’s at a pretty low apr. i’ve also heard a rumor that you don’t technically have to pay your medical bills, if you can’t? hah. well, i hope it doesn’t come to that. it shouldn’t. i’m actually sitting pretty comfortable, right now, thanks to the mcs shows that i played, over the last couple of months.

speaking of those, they’re over! if you missed it… umm, you missed it! haha. definitely a once-in-a-lifetime event. if you still haven’t seen the videos i posted earlier, they’re still up on my demo reel page.

man, i’ve been waiting for a while to write a huge update, but i can’t think of anything else to say right now. haha. sorry! maybe next time!

http://www.youtube.com/p/4120A4DB4DCAA86B&hl=en

obviously, it’s a weird situation. fortunately for the band and fans, it’s only very temporary. tony will heal and recover quickly and get back at it, in no time. in the mean time, though, i’ll be out with the guys for a handful of more shows in april, and i’ll be giving it my best!

now, this is the same breakdown that is featured in this classic somerset video:

but, we had to take it up a notch. haha. not only did we figure out the actual parts, but we choreagraphed an entire dance for it. call it gay, call it–ok, call it gay! i hope to have video of this masterpiece in the near future. i just wanted to get you guys warmed up, first. haha.

oh, and in case you were wondering, we figured out what was wrong with the equipment, and billy knocked out a bunch of songs, yesterday, including one that i wrote crazy beats and fills to, that i’m pretty stoked about. i’m excited to be helping on what will surely be a great record.